i’m twenty. i feel like this is the age where you’re phasing into adulthood and it becomes urgent that your identity is constructed securely. that you have wild yet tangible dreams, a sophisticated sense of style, and a confident speech pattern that instantly connects you to others. that’s probably not really true- i’m in a rose garden, watching people pass through and i doubt any of them have truly defined themselves. there. there’s a girl in a white beret gazing over the ocean and mountains. she only looks for a second, then sits down out of my sight. does she know who she is? doubtful. she has a confident stride, however. this garden’s dotted with people looking down. at phones, ipods, books. laptops. we look up once in a while to drink something in, then we look down again. Like we can only take it in sips. it’s sunny, the ocean is at full glorious capacity, the roses are dying yet inspirational. but we can only sip this slowly. why? i know my capacity for wonder is vast. i’ve got a hollow soul that likes being filled. i’ve got a hesitant wind messing up my hair and cold, cold hands. i felt a little of it today- i managed to sit and eat a really good sandwich and some really good coffee in a rose garden overlooking the sea and i felt a little of it today; i managed to push out all the distractors i prescribe myself and i tried to let wonder in. i felt it a little bit. mostly i felt its potential. shivering grass is maybe my favorite thing-only the tall blades dance.
i really felt it not long ago. i was doing art therapy and had managed to squash all my needs to create something. Beauty is a big deal, beauty is a big goal. i didn’t need that then. I needed to speak to myself, i didn’t need to make beautiful art. what i made was really ugly, and mostly weird. i was a strange, hole-dotted clay “space rock” with a strong resemblance to a brain. i spoke with it, because that is what i needed.
so maybe we can only take wonder in sips because we dont know what we need. maybe i need to free write now, maybe i need to meditate or take in the beauty around me. maybe knowing what i need is tied to knowing my identity.
-Cristina
bug club (minus one) 
“i was a strange, hole-dotted clay “space rock” with a strong resemblance to a brain.” While it seems like the first word was intended to be, “it” rather than “i” – I personally like this sentence the way it stands. You are a gifted writer. Einstein advised us to attach our happiness to a goal. Probably good advice. What do you think of this unusual video about happiness? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zxnw0l499g&noredirect=1
As one space rock to another, Happy New Year! (I hope it’s not too late to still say that. It’s only January 9)
Thank you! To be honest, I didn’t even notice that typo. You’re right- I do kinda like it that way. And about happiness… I watched that video, and honestly got a bit of a reality check. It’s so easy to assume happiness is something that only concerns you. But it’s not! We’re naturally social beings, every mood we have spills over and infects others. Happy New Year, and thanks for your comment!